MAN FOOD! C is for Cookie and Cookie is for MAN!

Well hello there manly men of the internets. I've been gone for a while and for that I am sorry. I've been busy. But now I have returned so lets move on from this awkward greeting and go forth with our culinary conquering.

    Baking cookies is for girls, I know. That's why these cookies have bacon in them, and that's why these cookies are MAN FOOD.

INGREDIENTS ASSEMBLE!!!

Squiggle brands are the best brands

• FLOUR----------------2 1/3 Cups
• SALT ------------------ 1/2 Tspn.
• SUGAR ----------------3/4 Cup
• BROWN SUGAR -- 3/4 Cup (packed)
• BAKING SODA ------1 Tspn.
• VANILLA ---------------1 Tspn.
• BUTTER---------------1 Cup
• CHOCOLATE CHIPS -2 CUPS
• BACON ---------------1 Lb.
• THROWING KNIVES-3

    Make your bacon oven style. 450° about ten minutes each side
    While your bacon is a simmering start by combining your dry ingredients (Flour, salt, baking soda). In a separate bowl goes your butter and both sugars and vanilla. Mix that mother up all nice like. When your wet bowl is of an even consistency combine it with the dry bowl.

Throwing knives for protection. Bacon makes a man do crazy things.

With your cooked bacon diced and crumbled nicely combine the last of the remaining ingredients. Set your oven to 375° and place cookies like thus:

Bake these tasty treats for about 10-15 minutes. Then lay them out to cool using your throwing knives to fend off monstrous waves of maddened men driven crazy by the baconed salty sweetness of your creation.

Freakin' Bacon Fried Rice!

You might be thinking...

 But I'm thinking...

This isn't really a 'man food' per se. Mostly because that's not my section and I'm incapable of writing like that nor do I care / want to try. However; the time has come for me to make something absolutely amazing.. Whats better than food itself? BACON. Whats better than white rice? Fried Rice. What happens when you put them together? Something that should be deemed illegal in seven states - Bacon Fried Rice. You say Disgusting? NAY! I say grow a pair! You say unhealthy? I say we all die sooner or later. You say fattening??? NAY!!! I say hit the gym Nancy!
Now listen up get into the freakin' kitchen and grab this crap:

• 2 cups of rice
• 3 THICK cuts of bacon
• A Carrot
• 4 Green Onions
• 1 sm Onion minced
• 1/4 tsp Ginger
• 2 Cloves minced Garlic
• 1 egg
• Soy Sauce
• Sugar

  Anything else you think would be awesome in this concoction.

Get the that rice on the stove and let it cook!

First things first, grab fire and place metal thing over fire. I prefer something meat won't stick to. Next grab them slabs of pig's gift and cut them into chunks of bite sized godliness. Sear those suckers up and let them cook. Once they're to your perfection; take out the bacon. BUT WAIT; use that liquid gold grease to pan sear those healthy things I call vegetables. Once those vegetables are seared and soft, crack an egg and began scrambling that up! Once the egg is FULLY cooked (don't need to die here). Throw in the freshly cooked rice and mix around to get that great bacon grease fully coating everything. Next throw in that soy sauce and continue to add to you see fit! Mix that all around until fully coated. Next? Whats healthier than bacon?? SUGAR! Add that stuff, mix around and serve that to those who think they can handle this.

Now when you're finished with this and about to eat it.. Just enjoy and say: 

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

cooking, beef, bacon, eating, recipe, blog meat, chicken, rice, soy sauce, stir fry, man food meal food eating awesome

MAN FOOD: Crab Meat Stuffed Trout

     Beef Jerky, yes. Pizza, sure. Crab meat stuffed trout, is this really a MAN FOOD?
I don't know, is trekking 90+ miles to an animals home to rip it from existence simply to nourish myself manly? How about if I shove two more animals inside of it, simply to enhance its flavor from good to amazing? Yes its MAN FOOD, Don't doubt me again. But if you still need convincing read this article, not in your own voice but in the voice of Sam Elliot.

Here's What your going to need:

• 1 Trout. freshly retrieved from its habitat using cunning ticks.
• 1/2 cup Crab meat.
• 1 stalk of Celery.
• 1 Clove of Garlic.
• 1/8 cup Onion.
• 3 strips Bacon.
• ~2 Tbsp. Mayonnaise.
• ~2 Tbsp. Butter (Melted)
• Bread Crumbs.
• 1 Egg. Which I forgot to take a picture of.

     Let us commence. First, cook your bacon. Firster, wake up at five in the morning and jump in an American pick-up truck with your father and drive to your favorite fishing spot. Use your smart human brain to fool the dumb fish, with their not human brain, into thinking a shiny piece of metal is its prey. Then wrestle the little bastard into your net, and repeat, until the state of Pennsylvania says your done for the day(or drain a lake, which ever you find more suitable). Clean your fish and drive home, you choose the order. Now cook your bacon, you saw that in the last MAN FOOD: Pizza.

     Dice your celery, dice your onion, dice your garlic. Into a bowl combine those now diced accoutrements along with all the other none trout ingredients. I did not list how much bread crumbs to use, and the butter and mayonnaise are "abouts", there's a good reason for this... I didn't measure them. Here again you have to use your human brain to achieve a certain level of consistency for your stuffing.

     Crush up your bacon and add it to your concoction. Then place the stuffing into the fish's now empty body, like Dr. Frankenstein meets Emeril. Its not all going to fit but do your best. Wrap the creation up in aluminum foil and place into your 350˚ oven. About half way through cooking unwrap your masterpiece so the excess moisture is let out and the stuffing can develop a satisfying crunch. Depending on fish size and stuffing amount this will take 45-60 minutes maybe longer, fish is done when its no longer translucent and flaky.

That second wrapped item is the left over stuffing.

Pro-tip: High class lemons go a long way.

     Trout. I declare you MAN FOOD.


If you like this article or any other article, or want to suggest a recipe or anything else you can reach us at Itsbestservedhot@gmail.com All feedback is welcome.

Man Food: Pizza

     Welcome back, seekers of gastronomical ruggedness. In the interim, between last post and this, I have reflected inwardly. What was I reflecting upon? How often to butch you and your taste buds up. Originally I wanted to post once a month but, Beef Jerky  (Still being capitalized) was so friggin awesome I'm Man Fooding your face twice a month.


Now lets begin. Ready? GO!! Pizza with BACON.

What your going to need.

Ingredients: (This made 2 pies)

• Flour (~2 cups*)
• Corn Starch (1 Cup)
• Corn Meal (1 cup)
• Olive Oil (1 Tbsp)
• Yeast (1 Tbsp)
• Water (~1 1/2 cup*)
• Salt (1 Tsp)
• Sugar (2 Tsp)
• Helicopter (optional)
• Toppings (1 lb. of bacon, not optional)  

         *More of these may needed to be added while kneading the dough the moisture in   

  the air ad in your hands affects the dough to the point of not enough or to much moisture

1. Start by adding your yeast, sugar, and olive oil to warm water. Warm the water first you don't want to kill the yeast.
2. In a separate bowl combine your flour, corn starch, corn meal, and salt
3. After your yeast has been activated (It will have a head to it) 

  

   4. Go ahead and shove both mixture into a a bowl and mix with a spoon until everything 

       is "lumpy" then dig in with your hands. 

   5. If the dough is sticking to your hands then its time for more flour. If all the ingredients 

      aren't coming together, then you need more flour. Dough should be like Voltron. 

      everything working together in the right amounts.

 When the dough has been brought together and kneaded throw a towel over the bowl and let the dough rise and move on to the second part. BACON.

Cook it how you want, Ive seen too much of epic mealtime to not cook it like a professional baconerteror, in the oven

Lay out your non-optional bacon on a cookie sheet in a the manner above, place the cookie sheet, now paved with victory, into a 400˚ oven for 10-12 minutes pull it out flip it and repeat.

Helicopter: Preparing for bacon patrol duty, looking for bacon pirates.

Now is the time for the final steps.

Preheat your oven to 400˚ or leave it on from your baconing.

Stretch your dough over a cookie sheet. Slather on some sauce (I used a homemade from the garden sauce, recipe coming soon), then put your toppings on, then cover them with cheese. Cheese goes on top, it holds in the baconie goodness.

• How to stretch your dough, drape it over your fingers on both hands and gentle widen the gap between careful not to tear it.

 

• Cookie sheet. Oil it, non-stick spray it, or flour it.

Fold over and lightly flour

Oven time is about 15-20 minutes. or until the bottom of the crust is lightly browned

Bam! Pizza! Done. Michelangelo would be proud.

If you like this article or any other article, or want to suggest a recipe or anything else you can reach us at Itsbestservedhot@gmail.com All feedback is welcome.

Potato Salad

So yea, even though this blog is titled "Best Served Hot" I have a lot of cold salad recipes. But don't act like you don't love them. This recipe is courtesy of a chef friend. Thanks Mike!

What You'll Need:

• 5 lb Red Bliss Potatoes
• 1 cup light mayo
• 1/4 cup dijon mustard
• 2 cup apple juice
• 1 cup red onion
• 1/4 cup fresh dill
• 1/4 apple cider vinegar
• salt
• pepper

Make It:
With the skin still on, quarter and boil the potatoes. Cook them enough, but keep them slightly firm so it doesn't get mushy.
As the potatoes are cooking away, add the apple juice to a small pot and boil this down until about half has disappeared to a 1/4 cup.
While cooking the potatoes, add all of the ingredients in a large mixing bowl including the reduced apple juice.
Let this all chill in the fridge while the tots are going.
Once the potatoes are done, drain thoroughly and add to the mixing bowl and mix well.

Serve Chilled

Other Options:
This is in the orinigal recipe, but I pulled it because I don't love bacon and it's not on my healthy food agenda. However, for you bacon lovers out there:

Add 2lbs thick sliced bacon
Cook the bacon on med-low heat until the fat is rendered out and crispy. Once done, place the bacon on a papertowel to pull the extra grease.
When cool enough to touch, chop into diced pieces, add to the salad and mix.
It's really, really, good.

Breakfast Burger

I don't care what time of day it is when you eat this burger. The bottom line is that you MUST eat this burger. It's killer.

What you'll need:

• 1 lb 96% Lean Ground Beef
• 4 Eggs
• 1/2 White Onion
• 4 slices Fat Free Sharp Cheddar Cheese
• 1/4 tsp Worcestershire Sauce
• Grill Mates Hamburger Seasoning (or your favorite kind)
• Lettuce
• 2 Tomatoes
• Kaiser Rolls
• 6 Bacon Slices (low sodium)

Make It:

In a mixing bowl add the ground beef and burger seasoning and a dash of Worcestershire. Mix this together well. Once mixed, make your burger patties. I make 4 from 1 pound of beef.

On the side, roughly chop up the onion. Once chopped, smash the onions onto one side of the burger while keeping the patty in tact. 

This cooks best in a pan as opposed to a grill because of the onions. Heat the pan on high heat with a tsp of butter and let the pan get super hot. Once there, place the burgers in the pan, onion side down. Let the aroma take over--yuuuumm.

Press on the burgers every once in awhile to keep them flat before they ball up. After 6 minutes, flip the burger and repeat until you reach the desired level of done-ness.

In a smaller pan, cook the bacon until well done on med-high heat. Once cooked, place the bacon slices on a plate with a paper towel to drain the excess grease.

In a separate pan cook your eggs over easy. You read that right, cook the eggs as normal with some salt and pepper. 

After you determine your burgers are done, place the cheese over the top of the burger and put a lid on it and let the cheese melt. This should take all of 45 seconds.

Take your burgers off the heat and put them on the bun, onion side down, layer the egg on top of the burger and then top with lettuce and tomato. Enjoy that bad boy.

Optional: Add Pesto Mayo!

B.L.T. with Pesto Mayo

This is awesome. Thank you, Jesse, for this delicious lunch!

What you'll need:

• 1lb Bacon
• 2 Tomatoes
• 6 Slices Whole Wheat Bread
• Lettuce

Pesto Mayo

• 4tbls Light Mayo
• 10 Fresh Basil Leaves
• 3 tsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• 1 Garlic Clove
• 1 Pinch Salt and Pepper

In a food processor, add of the the ingredients for the Pesto Mayo and blend until smooth. Refrigerate until we need to use it.

Cook bacon until completely browned on med-high heat. Once cooked, place on a plate with a paper towel to drain some of the grease off the bacon. Then, lightly toast the bread. After toasted, lightly spread one slice of bread with the pesto mayo and then add the lettuce, sliced tomato and bacon.

by the way, i'm impressed with my own picture.  yay!