MAN FOOD! Pulled Pork

     Leap day. Every four years we get an extra day to... well not 'do anything' because its not a holiday, and there's no tradition behind it. So fuck it. I'm claiming February 29th, it's MAN FOOD day. It is the day where we celebrate that one year isn't actually one year long, it is 365 AND ¼ days long. Meaning a day isn't one day long its 1 day + ¹⁄₁₄₆₀. Meaning this extra day is just a remainder of time, we already lived through today. Enough science, let's do long term damage to our bodies with meat.
     I don't want to waste your time on a day that we have spend the last four years living, So this MAN FOOD will be short and only have 1 picture, because I don't want to waste our time, nothing to do with a memory card issue.

PULLED PORK:

                                                       Pork Shoulder----------- 2 lbs.

                                                       Root Beer -------------- 1 Bottle (maybe)

                                                       Barbeque sauce --------  Enough

      Into a crock pot dump your pork and root beer. Given the size of your crock pot you may need to add a bit more. The level should cover ³⁄₄ of the meat. Cook on medium heat for 5-7 hours. Drain all the pork nectar and mix in as much barbeque sauce as you like.
   Enjoy your rerun day.

MAN FOOD! C is for Cookie and Cookie is for MAN!

Well hello there manly men of the internets. I've been gone for a while and for that I am sorry. I've been busy. But now I have returned so lets move on from this awkward greeting and go forth with our culinary conquering.

    Baking cookies is for girls, I know. That's why these cookies have bacon in them, and that's why these cookies are MAN FOOD.

INGREDIENTS ASSEMBLE!!!

Squiggle brands are the best brands

• FLOUR----------------2 1/3 Cups
• SALT ------------------ 1/2 Tspn.
• SUGAR ----------------3/4 Cup
• BROWN SUGAR -- 3/4 Cup (packed)
• BAKING SODA ------1 Tspn.
• VANILLA ---------------1 Tspn.
• BUTTER---------------1 Cup
• CHOCOLATE CHIPS -2 CUPS
• BACON ---------------1 Lb.
• THROWING KNIVES-3

    Make your bacon oven style. 450° about ten minutes each side
    While your bacon is a simmering start by combining your dry ingredients (Flour, salt, baking soda). In a separate bowl goes your butter and both sugars and vanilla. Mix that mother up all nice like. When your wet bowl is of an even consistency combine it with the dry bowl.

Throwing knives for protection. Bacon makes a man do crazy things.

With your cooked bacon diced and crumbled nicely combine the last of the remaining ingredients. Set your oven to 375° and place cookies like thus:

Bake these tasty treats for about 10-15 minutes. Then lay them out to cool using your throwing knives to fend off monstrous waves of maddened men driven crazy by the baconed salty sweetness of your creation.

MAN FOOD: Crab Meat Stuffed Trout

     Beef Jerky, yes. Pizza, sure. Crab meat stuffed trout, is this really a MAN FOOD?
I don't know, is trekking 90+ miles to an animals home to rip it from existence simply to nourish myself manly? How about if I shove two more animals inside of it, simply to enhance its flavor from good to amazing? Yes its MAN FOOD, Don't doubt me again. But if you still need convincing read this article, not in your own voice but in the voice of Sam Elliot.

Here's What your going to need:

• 1 Trout. freshly retrieved from its habitat using cunning ticks.
• 1/2 cup Crab meat.
• 1 stalk of Celery.
• 1 Clove of Garlic.
• 1/8 cup Onion.
• 3 strips Bacon.
• ~2 Tbsp. Mayonnaise.
• ~2 Tbsp. Butter (Melted)
• Bread Crumbs.
• 1 Egg. Which I forgot to take a picture of.

     Let us commence. First, cook your bacon. Firster, wake up at five in the morning and jump in an American pick-up truck with your father and drive to your favorite fishing spot. Use your smart human brain to fool the dumb fish, with their not human brain, into thinking a shiny piece of metal is its prey. Then wrestle the little bastard into your net, and repeat, until the state of Pennsylvania says your done for the day(or drain a lake, which ever you find more suitable). Clean your fish and drive home, you choose the order. Now cook your bacon, you saw that in the last MAN FOOD: Pizza.

     Dice your celery, dice your onion, dice your garlic. Into a bowl combine those now diced accoutrements along with all the other none trout ingredients. I did not list how much bread crumbs to use, and the butter and mayonnaise are "abouts", there's a good reason for this... I didn't measure them. Here again you have to use your human brain to achieve a certain level of consistency for your stuffing.

     Crush up your bacon and add it to your concoction. Then place the stuffing into the fish's now empty body, like Dr. Frankenstein meets Emeril. Its not all going to fit but do your best. Wrap the creation up in aluminum foil and place into your 350˚ oven. About half way through cooking unwrap your masterpiece so the excess moisture is let out and the stuffing can develop a satisfying crunch. Depending on fish size and stuffing amount this will take 45-60 minutes maybe longer, fish is done when its no longer translucent and flaky.

That second wrapped item is the left over stuffing.

Pro-tip: High class lemons go a long way.

     Trout. I declare you MAN FOOD.


If you like this article or any other article, or want to suggest a recipe or anything else you can reach us at Itsbestservedhot@gmail.com All feedback is welcome.

Man Food: Pizza

     Welcome back, seekers of gastronomical ruggedness. In the interim, between last post and this, I have reflected inwardly. What was I reflecting upon? How often to butch you and your taste buds up. Originally I wanted to post once a month but, Beef Jerky  (Still being capitalized) was so friggin awesome I'm Man Fooding your face twice a month.


Now lets begin. Ready? GO!! Pizza with BACON.

What your going to need.

Ingredients: (This made 2 pies)

• Flour (~2 cups*)
• Corn Starch (1 Cup)
• Corn Meal (1 cup)
• Olive Oil (1 Tbsp)
• Yeast (1 Tbsp)
• Water (~1 1/2 cup*)
• Salt (1 Tsp)
• Sugar (2 Tsp)
• Helicopter (optional)
• Toppings (1 lb. of bacon, not optional)  

         *More of these may needed to be added while kneading the dough the moisture in   

  the air ad in your hands affects the dough to the point of not enough or to much moisture

1. Start by adding your yeast, sugar, and olive oil to warm water. Warm the water first you don't want to kill the yeast.
2. In a separate bowl combine your flour, corn starch, corn meal, and salt
3. After your yeast has been activated (It will have a head to it) 

  

   4. Go ahead and shove both mixture into a a bowl and mix with a spoon until everything 

       is "lumpy" then dig in with your hands. 

   5. If the dough is sticking to your hands then its time for more flour. If all the ingredients 

      aren't coming together, then you need more flour. Dough should be like Voltron. 

      everything working together in the right amounts.

 When the dough has been brought together and kneaded throw a towel over the bowl and let the dough rise and move on to the second part. BACON.

Cook it how you want, Ive seen too much of epic mealtime to not cook it like a professional baconerteror, in the oven

Lay out your non-optional bacon on a cookie sheet in a the manner above, place the cookie sheet, now paved with victory, into a 400˚ oven for 10-12 minutes pull it out flip it and repeat.

Helicopter: Preparing for bacon patrol duty, looking for bacon pirates.

Now is the time for the final steps.

Preheat your oven to 400˚ or leave it on from your baconing.

Stretch your dough over a cookie sheet. Slather on some sauce (I used a homemade from the garden sauce, recipe coming soon), then put your toppings on, then cover them with cheese. Cheese goes on top, it holds in the baconie goodness.

• How to stretch your dough, drape it over your fingers on both hands and gentle widen the gap between careful not to tear it.

 

• Cookie sheet. Oil it, non-stick spray it, or flour it.

Fold over and lightly flour

Oven time is about 15-20 minutes. or until the bottom of the crust is lightly browned

Bam! Pizza! Done. Michelangelo would be proud.

If you like this article or any other article, or want to suggest a recipe or anything else you can reach us at Itsbestservedhot@gmail.com All feedback is welcome.

MAN FOOD: Beef Jerky

For this the inaugural edition of Man Food we're making Beef Jerky!



Fact: I love meat. Yea I said it.
Fact: Meat has a slight portability issue.

Solution: Beef Jerky
Better Solution: Homemade Beef Jerky.
The ingredients:

• Soy Sauce (1/3 cup)
• Worcestershire sauce (1/2 cup)
• Liquid Smoke (Just a few drops)
• Black Pepper (1/2 teaspoon)
• Onion Powder (1/2 Tbsp)
• Garlic Powder (1/ Tbsp)
• Cola (1/4 cup, Optional)
• MEAT! (1 to 2 lbs.)

Before you begin, there are a few different ways to dry your Jerky, I used a dehydrator, you can use an oven, or even a box fan and air duct filters. I chose the dehydrator for the simple reason is that we were in the middle of a heat wave and it did not seem like a fun idea to have my oven battle my air conditioning for control over my house.

This one specifically

Choosing your steak. Fat does not preserve well choose a steak with light marbling, and when you do come across a bit of fat trim it out. Drying Beef Jerky was originally a way to keep meat from spoiling. Leaving in fat will not add as much flavor as it will just set you up for failure. I don't tolerate failure. At least not when it comes to my Beef Jerky. (If you haven't noticed it yet Beef Jerky will be capitalized in every instance to emphasize its greatness)

Lets get to the meat. This is a pretty simple technique

1. Cut your desired steak into thin strips, I go about an inch wide and 1/4 inch thick. Different sizes will dry at different rates, so try to be uniform.
2. Into a bowl combine all the ingredients and whisk them together. Here's the optional cola part. If your looking for a slightly more mild/sweet flavor. Coke or Pepsi will grant your meaty wish. About 1/4 cup
3. Marinade in a Ziploc bag for 3-6 hours, unless you used cola then the acidity of the cola will turn you meat into a mushy mush thing.
4. Dry your meat, use a paper towel to damp dry the excess marinade, the meat itself has absorbed all it will by now and wet meat will only take longer to dry
5. This is the final stage in which normal everyday meat finishes its beautiful metamorphosis into Beef Jerky (see capitalized)                                                   

Drying your meat:

Stove: Put your stove on its lowest setting (probably warm) and hang the steak strips from the rack with tooth picks and tin foil underneath to catch all the drippings. This should take about 10 hours

Dehydrator: This particular batch took me about 4 hours, check your user manual for more details, different models dry at different speeds

Fan: As this is Alton Brown's Method we can use his suggestion of 8 to 12 hours

Pro tip: Your Jerky will continue to dry slightly after its freed from the confines or your drying apparatus. Remove it just before optimal dryness is achieved.

And there you have it, you just birthed a masculine haunch of Beef Jerky. Look at it, its goddamn glorious.My favorite uses for Jerky are as followed; movie snack, driving snack, zombie Apocalypse survival snack, breakfast, lunch, second dinner, hiking treat, and as an aphrodisiac.

If you like this article or any other article, or want to suggest a recipe or anything else you can reach us at Itsbestservedhot@gmail.com All feedback is welcome.